GHETTO CHIC

So there's this new hair fad that I'm seeing more often on everyday people. You know the kind of hair that Beyonce and Tyra are famous for?? Well they're called LACEFRONT WIGS. They are wigs that you glue to your forehead. I think it was a unique idea for a hair piece.

But...

What has society come to when we start putting these lacefronts on babies??? I think its total nonsense and GHETTO if you ask me. Some may think its CHIC.

Am I being ridiculous? What do you think??

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Always Random In CAL

So I met this guy on May 3, 2009. I remember the date because Day 26 was out here and I went to see them at a club. The guy was outside and he approached me. He was able to hold a decent conversation so I gave him my number. We starting talking and hanging out, nothing serious. Although he was cool and all, he was two years younger than me and after a few weeks of dating him, the immaturity in him started to come out.

I changed my number. LOL

One day I was bored and decided to call him just to see how he was doing. He thought that meant I wanted to start hanging out again. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and hung out with him a couple times to catch up. He took me on a date and I had a great time. I mean I was starting to like him...AGAIN!!

When we had originally started dating, he made it clear that he didn't want anything serious because school and CAL football were his priorities and that was fine with me. So the second time around I figured he felt the same way. I wasn't looking for anything either. I wanted to keep my player status afloat (hahaha j/k). But seriously, I'm not in a place where I want a boyfriend right now. And let me make it clear lol... I AM SINGLE!!!

It had been a couple weeks since I saw this guy but we had been keeping in touch, at least talking every other day. Randomly one morning I woke up to a text message from him that said:

"I haven't seen u in a while, probably bcus ur wit sum1 else or for wateva reason...the bottom line is u r still my woman and that's not about to change. I want you to come see me."

You know, I looked at the text for a second because I was confused. I did not understand where that came from. I thought I was single but he was certain, for some ODD reason that I was his woman. Maybe in some imaginary world I was his "woman" but in MY reality I was single and I definitely didn't want him to put a ring on it (hahaha)!! That one text completely turned me off... and simply left me speechless...a true WTF moment (lol).

I told him that I thought we were just going with the flow. He says, "well this flow isn't working for me anymore".

Now if someone says that to you, isn't it safe to assume that they don't want to be involved with you anymore???

He then goes on to say, "I want you to be my girl"...OMG (confused face). He likes my swag but I'm really starting NOT to feel this guy at this point. He concluded by saying that he wants to see my beautiful face at least once a week. Can I just say...NEGATIVE!!!

I seriously have come to the conclusion that although I seem to hit it off better with younger guys, they just arent on my level. They are immature and they think I'm suddenly their "woman" just because they take me on a date. This guy seriously has the game chopped...screwed...twisted...confused...misunderstood...etc. You get my point right?!

Am I the crazy one? LOL ...or...am I someone's woman? you be the judge... A.R.I.C.

HellaRandom Brain Test...

IS THIS PICTURE FUNNY...OR SAD? I'M LEANING MORE TOWARD SAD.

Some Funny's From URBANDICTIONARY.COM

Tooth sweater: When you go for a day or so without brushing your teeth, and the texture in your mouth feels like your teeth are wearing fuzzy little sweaters. Example:"Does anyone have gum? I forgot to brush my teeth this morning, and it feels disgusting." "Oh, you've got tooth sweaters?"


Douchebaguette: A female douchebag. A woman who exhibits characteristics of a douchebag.
Example: Just look at her pompous gait... what a douchebaguette!

Passenger Brake -The passenger brake is the nonexistant brake pedal located on the floor of the passenger (shotgun) side of the front seat of your car. It is used instinctively by the passenger when the driver is driving insanely too fast, and the car needs to come quickly to a stop, which may not seem very possible at that particular moment. It is sometimes used in conjunction with the OH SHIT handle by the passenger door. Example: Doris was using her passenger brake all the freaking way here. She's the one who made us late getting started from home by taking so long to get herself ready! I was just trying to make up some time getting through traffic...

the HAT guy in NYC

So this guy made me a dope ass hat on the corner in NYC. IT looks like airbrush but he does this shiznit with his bare hands!!! Thats dope with a capitol D. If you want a hat made email him at excessone@gmail.com or call him at 646-894-0808. YEE!!

HE IS RISEN

If this doesn't make you want some Ranch Dressing...

Me and Foine have an ASIAN female co-worker who is pregnant. One night we were sitting around drunk off wine (well at least I was shout out to MARS) talking about her pregnancy and how cute she is preggers.  Her last name is WANG. Her is our convo:

Me: Awww...she's so excited about her baby! She's so cute preggers

Foine: Yeah and Joshua is a really cute name.

Me: Oh they are gonna name him Joshua? Joshua Wang. That is kinda cute.

Foine: They should name him Party

Me: Party? Party Wang?

{a few seconds pass}

Me: bahahahahahahahahahahaLMAObahahahahahahLMFAOhahahahahahahSMHhahahahahLOLhahahahahahahahahahahaha  PARTY WANGS hahahahahahaha

Trannnysformers...More than Meets the Eye

This week's edition of FOINE working in the Tenderloin...

So as I am walking down the street, I think to myself, "Hey that's a tall tranny."  Then I think to myself, "Hey that's 3 trannies."  Evidently I must have stared a little too long because Tall Tranny smirks at me and says to her cronies in a nasty tranny voice, "Yeah, it's like a Vienna Sausage and just slips right in."  

1) Why did I have to hear this tranny convo?

2) Why do trannies always have something crazy to say to me in the Tenderloin?  Can't they just back off?  I am not trying to invade their territory.  

3) Ewww.  A Vienna Sausage? Really?

Good 'ol Public Transportation

Guy on the street: Excuse me Ladies!!! Excuse me Ladies!!!

Me& Amina: Yes?

Guy on the street: Can I borrow some change? Can either of you help me out?

Me&Amina: Oh no. Sorry, we’re all out!!

Guy on the Street: That’s cool. Fuck ya’ll then. I’ll be breaking into one of ya’ll hoes cars.

Me&Amina: wow. Geezus

Amina: I should have been like "fuck you nigga I TOOK THE BUS!!"

Me: Break into that,Bitch. LMAO

R.Kelly: you remind me of my waterbed...I wanna surf ya!!

A convo between Flow and her LOVER

LOVER: you like your new bedroom furniture?

Flow: yep. Its so comfortable. I LOVE IT!!

LOVER: I bet you got an expensive ass mattress huh?

Flow: Nope.

{a few seconds pass}

Flow: Its a waterbed.

LOVER: Shut the F*ck Up!! LMAO!! You didnt get a Muthaf*!cken waterbed...hahahahahahahahaha

Flow: Honey. I swear. Its a waterbed.

(LOVER gets serious)

LOVER: Oh. WoW.

(LOVER seems scared)

LOVER: I havent seen a waterbed since 1989.

(Flow gets serious)

Flow: Oh.

(Flow gets less serious)

Flow: Just joking. honey. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i'm gonna blog about this :-)

LOVER: ----

REGULATTORRSSSS! MOUNT UP!!

The other day I was getting out of the car in front of my house when a man on a bike sped past me. He looked just like Robert Townsend in that movie Meteor Man. I couldn't stop thinking about the movie and why Bill Cosby even had a role in it. And why did James Earl Jones keep switching those really RANDOM toupee's the whole movie?? Am I the only one who thought the over-grown fruit in the "meteor man garden/junk yard" looked GROSS And WHY-OH-WHY did Eddie Griffin agree to play the sidekick role when he never really sidekicked at all??By the end of the night I came to this conclusion:

I WILL CREATE A CULT OF SUPER HOT CHICKS WHO ONLY WEAR HOUSE OF DERON & LACE-FRONT WIGS AND CALL THEM "THE GOLDEN LORDS"...

...that was the REAL point of the movie right?? hmmmmmm

**A hellaFLOW production**

You want some coffee with all that sugar?

So as an international jet setter in NYC, F.A.N.D.A.N.G.O. Foine had to stop into *bucks to recharge her battery.  Here is how the conversation between her and her friend Mi Mi went hellarandom.

Foine: I will have a non-fat, single shot, sugar free caramel, white mocha. Grande.

Male Barista: Is that all miss thang.  (Please add your own hella comme si comme sa twang to it.)

Foine: Yes thank you.  So Mi Mi, if you don't want to go out tonight you don't have to.  I feel bad dragging you out after we have been out all day long already.

Mi Mi:  Oh don't wor--

Barista: I'm sorry, did I hear you say you are looking to see a drag show?

Foine: Uh, no I don't think so.

Barista: Oh, well if you want to see a drag show, I perform at Coconuts and Roxies all the time.  My name is Elliot, but I go by the name Vera Vidal now.  I used to be called Nancy.

Foine: Oh, okay. Thanks for that.

Barista:  Yeah, because I am like one of the best there are.  The best nights are Thursdays and Sundays.  I compete and win lots of money. 

Foine: Oka--

Barista:Yeah and I am like the best because I don't even use hormones.  Yeah. This is all natural.  So I get a lot of tips because when the ass is natural it is better.  And I only paid $25 for my chest.  It is really good.  

Foine and Mi Mi: Oh wow.  

Barista: Yeah and I wear a $100  jumpsuit under my clothes.  You ladies should try it.  It really sucks you in.

Foine: Oh thanks.

Barista: And Tuesday is lesbian night so...

Foine and Mi Mi: ---

Barista:  Yeah and I can get you in for $7 and it is great because it is $1 drinks tickets.  

Mi Mi: (Sarcastically) Oh $1 drinks huh?

Barista: It is really fun.  

Foine: (Looking crosseyed at Mi Mi) Oh too bad I am not in town until Tuesday.  Then we could have gone to lebiana night Mi Mi.

Mi Mi: Yeah too bad.

Barista: Okay here's your drinks.

Foine: Ok thanks gotta go.  Good luck at Coconuts. 

Now, what about us makes people 1) tell us way too much 2) talk to us way too much 3) Presume we are lesbiana and 4) Make us have conversations that are waaaaay awkward and hellarandom.  

DAZED & CONFUSED

Why is lieing a defense mechanism???
Why do people say things because they think it sounds good?
Why is it that you get a slap in the face for doing the right thing and being upfront and honest with a person?
Why do men just want to hit?
Why are women so emotional?
Why do people have to innately hurt and betray others?
If you're in a relationship, why not committ and just be happy?


Maybe the BIPOLAR disease has reached a pandemic. Which extreme do you want to choose? You obvioulsy know the words to woe the best.
Since when are humans just pendelums for you to sway?
Look what this does to a persons mental state...CRAZY!!!!

Have I lost my mind today? Hold that thought...I'm going to throw you a clue, and MAYBE you'll see my point of view.

Wait, it's too late, I'm going through an episode. To my dismay, I've been lead astray. My diagnosis of the illness that affects you puts many lives at stake. This has to be the last time.

Glad I'm not suffering from you.

HellaRandom presents...STEPS TO HEALING A BROKEN HEART

HONESTY -Admit that you are powerless to the broken heart

HOPE- Come to believe that you will be restored

TRUST- Decide to turn your love life around. Trust that the right person will come along one day

TRUTH- Make a fearless inventory of yourself. Figre out what you really want and need.

HUMILITY- Humbly acknowledge that you want a better situation.

FORGIVE- Make direct amends with the person who broke your heart.

DAILY ACCOUNTABILITY-Continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it.

REVELATION- realize you are and always will be OKAY!

*These are also Steps to Cure Alcohal Addiction. Coincidence? We think NOT!

TODAY IS SADDAM HUSSEIN'S BDAY....

In Memory of Saddam Hussein, we offer you these interesting and informative quotes:

"Politics is when you say you are going to do one thing while intending to do another. Then you do neither what you said nor what you intended.”

“America needs wisdom, not force. It had used force, along with the West, to its extreme extent, only to find out later that it did not achieve what they wanted,”

and lastly...

“If you want to execute me, I'll bring my own MUTHAFUCKEN rope.”

hmmmmmm. BE CAREFUL WUT YOU WISH FOR WHEN UR BLOWING OUT THOSE CANDLES PEOPLE!!!

BLAME IT ON THE GOOSE...

It was around 1:30am. Me and Fandago Fione(see previous post to figure out WHO I am refering to) just finished off a bottle of Martini&Rossi and OJ. It was one of those nights were we needed to talk and drink and relax. Fione lives next door and I was walking her outside to make sure she got home okay.While we were standing there saying our goodbyes, we looked across the street and noticed two furry bright eyed cats looking at us. Here is the convo:

Flow: Okay well it looks safe enough for you to walk home. I'll stand here and wait.

Fione: Thanks. Look at those dingy ass cats over there.

Flow: Yuck. Why are they laying like that? Wait are they...

Fione: OMG. Those cats are hella getting it on.

Flow: Cats fuck?

Fione: Apparently they do.

Flow: Why are they looking at us?

Fione: Flow. Leave those cats alone.

Flow: This is HellaRandom.

The thing that was the most random was that these cats were having sex...doggy style. You would think they would be scared of this position but they were going full throttle. Is this a situation where we can blame it on the GOOSE??hmmmmm

*a HellaFLOW production*

Hella Random Cartoon #2

The HellaRandom Team Presents...Rrarr

(based on an actual conversation)

The FREEWAY Walker

So I was on my way home. By home I mean San Jose, Ca where I reside four days a week lol. It was 10:47 pm and I was on the freeway, highway 101 to be exact, in cruise control. I had just made it to the Santa Clara City Line. For the Love of Ray J, and by that I mean the soundtrack, was in heavy rotation in Sophia Fresh. And yes, someone with hellaflow actually bought it for $13.99 at Target. Go cop it...hahahahaha! Suddenly I saw something ahead of me. I had to second guess myself because I couldn't believe my sight. It was a freaking person walking across the freeway. OMG! I was going South so he had already crossed the North side of the freeway. This was a very odd experience for me. It was a white guy wearing a flannel shirt, some khaki pants, and some busted white shoes tied extremely tight. He was holding a huge guitar in his hand. I wonder if he was homeless because he looked kind of scruffy. Now you would think that if you're walking across the freeway, you wouldn't walk, you would run for your life. But this guy was taking his time, as if the cars were supposed to stop for him. I honked perfusely because i was APPAULLED.com. lol Walking across the freeway should be illegal. But what if there were lights in the middle of the freeway for pedestrians to take their time and walk blissfully as they please?? One word...HELLARANDOM!!!

AYE...YOU GOT JOKES!!

What do you call a blind deer? I have NO-EYE-DEER!!!!

*disclaimer: If you thought this joke was wack please direct all hate mail to Fandango Foine. Shalom.

!!Our Newest Member!!

FOINE: I want my name to be fandango

FLOW: No

FOINE: What about the word Fine?

FLOW: yeah we can spell and pronounce it FOINE (say this as if you are either from Deep East Oakland, the corner of 3rd-n-Newcomb right in the heart of H.P. or born-n-raised in Compton).

FOINE: Sounds good. Okay I’ll be Fandango Foine.

FLOW: Wait…how did the fandango come back in?

FOINE: What?…I couldn’t hear you…So anyway...now it’s Fionna Flow, Fresh and Fandango Foine. Sounds good.

FLOW: whatever Fandango Foine. The only thing left to do is jump you in. Do you have time after work? DADADOOP!!

FLOW's HELLA RANDOM WEEK!

Friday: Went to San Diego

Friday-Sunday: Had a drunken good time in San Diego!

Monday: Got on the plane to come home

Monday afternoon: Felt a tad queezy

Tuesday: Coughed

Tuesday in the emergency room: DIED.

Wednesday-Friday: Lied in my Coffin and continued to Die.

Saturday: Was miraculously brought back to life. Bought Hella Kitty Lip Gloss from M.A.C.

Sunday: Asked my sister to go out for ice-cream. Ended up paying for hers and my grandfathers and giving her guy-friend/roommate/baby daddy a ride to Mexico.

Monday: STARTED MY WEEK ALL OVER AGAIN!

AWWW LIFE!

YAY.Monday.

HAPPY FRIDAY

IS THERE AN ENGLISH TEACHER IN THE BUILDING???

I was thinking about the word thong (womens' underwear)...Is it PLURAL or SINGULAR?? When a smooth talking mister requests that you make sure you wear your "thongs" for a late-night sexual escapade, is he grammatically incorrect??How about we all upgrade our lives to G-STRINGS like I have. This way there is no confusion.

On another note: If someone says any of the following statements to you, you need to run:

"looking good in 'dem STRANGS (as in G-STRANGS)"

"mmmmm...mmmmm....mmmmm!!! I sure would love to have your DENTAL FLOSS in my mouth"

"I'm in love with a stripper...she grinding, she riding that poll....I'm in love with a STRIPPER"

A FEW THINGS I SERIOUSLY DISLIKE (a FionnaFlow RANT)

1) talking on the phone while people are eating. It makes my ears bleed.

2) Mushrooms. I hate how they look. When I see them it makes me think one day I'm gonna be in the shower and they will be growing all over my private parts. I like to eat them BUT I must be blindfolded to do so.(true story)

3) Golf.

4) Donald Trump's Crusty Lips

5) Blogs. JUST JOKING...hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

6) When no one laughs at my jokes (see above)

7) Three Words " HOUSE OF DEREON"

...That's It....SHALOM

Sippin on Some Syserp?!?

I’m walking down the street by my job headed to the donut shop. I am approached by a man maybe in his late twenties, early thirties.

He says, “Excuse me pretty can I ask you your name?”

I tell him Vanessa.

He then goes, “Hi Vanessa…my name is Anthony. I work at that non profit right around the corner. You know, the one where you probably see all those people who look like they on drugs outside. Yeah, I’m a program manager there. We help them get off drugs and you know, try to get they lives back together. Anyway…I see you walking by getting tea or a donut in the morning all the time. I’ve been so hesitant to talk to you because you always look so nice and everything but anyway I um…I just wanted to know if I could take you out to lunch sometime?”

I stuttered and said, “ Um…Errr. I don’t..”

Then this FOOL goes, “WAIT!! Before you answer…I haven’t been 100% forthright with you. I don’t actually work at the clinic. I’m a client. But I been clean and sober for two years and all I do is sip alittle methadone and that’s it…”

WTF.
I ran.

HellaRandom...the cartoon...

The HellaRandom Team presents...HellaRandom ~the Cartoon~

D-Lux's Random Outburst for the day 11 March 09

I just want everyone to share in the hilarity that is the term roast beef curtains. I learned the term on Sunday, and I must say that it is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. The term is describing some loose female parts. The imagery that this term brings up literally makes me crack up big time. Shout out to the urban dictionary for one of the funniest examples of usage..."man i pulled her draws down and her roast beef curtains dropped to her knees." EWWWWW to the max and LMAO all at the same time.

TOO HOT TO TROT...

Fresh: What is it called when dogs are ready to mate?

Flow: They are in heat

Fresh:I dont know why I thought about that.

{2o minutes pass}

Flow: Hey I was thinking, I've been in heat for like five months.

Fresh: hahahahaha...I know right!?

I think we might be the hottest girls around. Now this song makes sense to me:

(What you need boy?).... I need a hot girl... (What you want boy?) I want a hot girl -HOT GIRL by CA$H MONEY MILLIONAIRE$

COFFEE AND...???

FLOW: I'm drinking coffee and eating a chicken strip from Safeway. I wish I had one million more strips...mmmmmm

FRESH: That's a random ass convo. I'm drinking coffee and eating a donut. The two actually go together.

FLOW: Chicken goes with everything. Duh.

FRESH: Try again!

FLOW: NO

FRESH: Coffee doesn't go with chicken.

FLOW: Um...that's like saying you're not supposed to fry rice because you boil it. Fried rice tastes great and chicken goes with freakin coffee.

FRESH: Keep believing it baby!

FLOW: You're really starting to tick me off. Just drop it. NOW...NOW...Nooooooooooowwwwwww!!! (lol)

(this was definately done in a "M to the A to the DEA" voice..aka Joe)

FLOW: Aye remember that time when Que said "GIRL" on the show and we laughed for like 2 years about it.....hahahahahahahahahahaha....we've had some good times.

I concur with my initial statement that coffee AND... chicken DO NOT mix!!!

POINTLESS

FLOW: I really can't believe he's dead. Can you call and ask for Bob and then hang up???

FLOW: Are you ignoring me. Fine.

(clearly ignoring FLOW)

FLOW: Did you call the damn number heffer??

FRESH: NO

FLOW: Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh. Fine.

FRESH: My mom wants me to name my son Dillon.

FLOW: That's a cute name tho.

FRESH: I want nachos.

FRESH: It's her last name. So I have to do it. (granted I don't even have a mate)

FLOW: I had nachos yesterday. I'm walking to my car doing the stanky leg.

FRESH: lol...NO you're not.

FLOW: I want to.

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS...

1) a 70 year old grandmother jumping over the hood of a 1987 Monte Carlo (ie..MADEA)

2) people doing the "stanky-leg"

3) Wet Seal (the clothing store)

4) The Asian woman and man who work at Popeye's on Mission Street in SF but speak Spanish

5) VHI's Black to the Future (Sir Mix Alot especially...yes I said Sir Mix-Alot)

6) the words "shalom"..."amen"..."man-down"...and my number one all time favorite "lame"

7) affectionately refering to my sister as "Barb"- short for Barbara. Her real name is Dominica.

8) the word "Barb"

...that's it for now...

I'm sitting in the car with Fresh and my daughter, Saanaiya. Saanaiya is soooo bored and she keeps saying, " I really just want to go home...I like, really want to go home" but I was in a deep conversation with Fresh about wishing we could be in other people's minds. I heard Saanaiya say "oh man, I'm hot"...I ignored it. Like I said, I was in a heated conversation with Fresh about how great yet miserable it would be to be able to read minds.

ME: Just think about it...you would know the truth about everything. But think about it again...You would know the TRUTH about EVERYTHING. Kinda scary right?

Saanaiya puts her belt on my head.

ME: We are always hella confused but when you think about it, that's the natural way of life. You are supposed to be figuring things out and learning.

FRESH: it would be cool to be able to know if what you think someone is thinking is the truth or not. We would still have to figure it out but we would just know if we're right.

ME: wait...do I have a belt on my head?

FRESH: yep you sure do.

ME: from this moment forward I will only respond to the name Quail-Man and I will drink beet milkshakes with my cuzin Skeeter.

She didnt get it.

IS HATE THE NEW LOVE??

Flow: I gotta finish these minutes for work so I’ll be at ur house at 6 for the gym. I’m hella sleepy though. I might go home and go to sleep instead of the gym.

Fresh: Ok… and stop being lazy.

Flow: Um…hold on. When was the last time you exercised again???? A CLASS doesn’t count.

Fresh: Yes it does count.

Flow: No it doesn’t. You have to go to class to get a grade. I go to the gym because I am responsible citizen of the united states. Shalom.

Fresh: But no one forces me to go to class. I show up because I want to. Don’t hate on me and my aerobics class.

Flow: My brother said its 09 and his Resolution for the year is :HATE is the New LOVE…so in that breathe…I will always HATE ON YOU.

Flow: Hey I was wondering Do you not believe in blogging?

Fresh: Lolo shut up. I don’t have time.

Flow: Have you even looked at it this month? You’ve been emailing me for like 8 hours but you don’t have time to randomly blog?

Fresh: That requires more thinking than emailing you.

Flow: I am thinking of a word…it starts with a LAME.

Fresh: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha….leave me alone. Goodbye.

Flow: Man down. Shalom. Amen.

I honestly think Fresh believes love is the new hate...and apparently she hates blogging.

As if Apple Bottom Jeans arent bad enough

WILL BOOTS WITH THE FUR EVER BE CUTE??

THE POINT OF IT ALL...

WHY GIVE YOU TEETH IF THEY ARE GOING TO FALL OUT IN FIVE YEARS?!? AND THEN CREATE A FAIRY WHO TAKES THEM TO "FALLEN TEETH WORLD"...OUR CULTURE IS SOOO WEIRD.

We need CHANGE (literally)- A FionnaFLoww Rant

Yesterday, I was sitting in the car with Fresh pondering the many mysteries of the world (particularily those pertaining to the male species) when I checked my myspace page. I had a new friend request and a message accompanying it.

The message said, " how u coin sexy?"

Now...I'm not dumb. And I'm far from, how should I say it, crazy (and anyone who says I'm not far from crazy is a loser...A honest, telling-the-truth ass LOSER) but I hate it when people send me messages that they typed in 2.5 seconds. Am I not good enough for a 6 second message? It makes me feel responsible for making something out of nothing and honestly, I wasn't the first one in line when they had message-interpretation sign ups. I'm like the little boy who wants to do ballet but his dad wants him to play football...I.AM.BEING.FORCED.

I mean in an era where everyone is so PRO Choice, why can't I chose NOT to receive these type of messages? And why does it seem like its my life calling to make sense of the BS people type me? It's kinda like the ladies at the nail shop with the accent or the guy at your local deli who stutters; you have NO idea what their saying but for some reason you feel like you owe it to them to figure it out. Its weird. Its very weird.

I know this guy meant " how u DOIN (and not COIN) but since I was being held responsible while being punished at the same time, I felt the need to reply with something clever yet condescending.

I said: "I'm "coining" just fine. But You know what they say, if it aint about dollas...then it just don't make cents"

I wonder if he'll ever hit me back....hmmmmmm.
*HellaFionnaFLoww

Does it Alway take Two Hours to Get to Wing Stop?!?

Flow: I think I may want to go out this weekend

Fresh: All I can think about is wings in my mouth

Flow: I just got a visual. Hurry up

Fresh: I have to drive him home first

Flow: aarrgg (say it like a pirate)

Fresh: OMG!! I just texted that to Jason and no I'm not saying it like a damn pirate. wtf. Wierdo.

Flow: hahahahahaha. hurry

Fresh: on my way

Flow: aarrgg.

(2 Hours Later in Wing Stop)

Flow: I wish I was sitting on the other side of the table cuz that guy is hella singing and staring. I like can't focus.

Fresh: Wing Stop is HellaRandom

So I'm sitting in my house doing, well, I wasn't doing anything actually. Yeeaaahhh, that's exactly how this frikin story starts and its basically the whole reason this story exist...see, I was at my brand new, custom built, three story hella-room-having home doing ABSOLUTELY(say it slowly) NOTHING!! I can't explain the amount of bored'ocity' that was flowing in the air. It makes my skin tingle just thinking of it. Let me put it like this: if bored was synonymous with crackin then...this night was like that time me&ash got hella drunk, pissed on the street, broke into my(and yes I said MY) car and then had a hit&run with Jazz gone off a pill. It was HELLA BORING...wait...I meant to say HELLA CRACKIN right?!? Anyway...I don't have any cable becuz my contractor sucks and the Arab guy from Comcast was like “I can't do any additional work cuz I'm so lame" so I was basically staring at the wall texting ash:

Me: I'm hella bored
Ash: awww why r u so bored?
Me: um...cuz I have nothing to do? duh.
Ash: lol. Are u home?
Me: yes.
Ash: why don't u go to Dominica's house
Me: lame
Ash: get ur cable set up biotch.
Me: dude...my frikin contractor asks like he has to contact GOD to get an electrician to come out. Life sucks. I'm gonna cry. Goodnight. Amen.
Ash: LAME
Ash: there is absolutely nothing to cry about
Me: I was just joking MOM.
Ash: this convo is hella funny.
Me: not really.
{3 minutes pass}
Me: so my lame old washing machine just blew up and now my whole garage is flooded.
Ash: Is it rude that I just laughed. I'm sorry. Wtf is going on with that BORING ass house??

If a washing machine explodes in a CRACKIN ass house...does it make a sound??...hmmmm