!!Our Newest Member!!

FOINE: I want my name to be fandango

FLOW: No

FOINE: What about the word Fine?

FLOW: yeah we can spell and pronounce it FOINE (say this as if you are either from Deep East Oakland, the corner of 3rd-n-Newcomb right in the heart of H.P. or born-n-raised in Compton).

FOINE: Sounds good. Okay I’ll be Fandango Foine.

FLOW: Wait…how did the fandango come back in?

FOINE: What?…I couldn’t hear you…So anyway...now it’s Fionna Flow, Fresh and Fandango Foine. Sounds good.

FLOW: whatever Fandango Foine. The only thing left to do is jump you in. Do you have time after work? DADADOOP!!

FLOW's HELLA RANDOM WEEK!

Friday: Went to San Diego

Friday-Sunday: Had a drunken good time in San Diego!

Monday: Got on the plane to come home

Monday afternoon: Felt a tad queezy

Tuesday: Coughed

Tuesday in the emergency room: DIED.

Wednesday-Friday: Lied in my Coffin and continued to Die.

Saturday: Was miraculously brought back to life. Bought Hella Kitty Lip Gloss from M.A.C.

Sunday: Asked my sister to go out for ice-cream. Ended up paying for hers and my grandfathers and giving her guy-friend/roommate/baby daddy a ride to Mexico.

Monday: STARTED MY WEEK ALL OVER AGAIN!

AWWW LIFE!

YAY.Monday.

HAPPY FRIDAY

IS THERE AN ENGLISH TEACHER IN THE BUILDING???

I was thinking about the word thong (womens' underwear)...Is it PLURAL or SINGULAR?? When a smooth talking mister requests that you make sure you wear your "thongs" for a late-night sexual escapade, is he grammatically incorrect??How about we all upgrade our lives to G-STRINGS like I have. This way there is no confusion.

On another note: If someone says any of the following statements to you, you need to run:

"looking good in 'dem STRANGS (as in G-STRANGS)"

"mmmmm...mmmmm....mmmmm!!! I sure would love to have your DENTAL FLOSS in my mouth"

"I'm in love with a stripper...she grinding, she riding that poll....I'm in love with a STRIPPER"

A FEW THINGS I SERIOUSLY DISLIKE (a FionnaFlow RANT)

1) talking on the phone while people are eating. It makes my ears bleed.

2) Mushrooms. I hate how they look. When I see them it makes me think one day I'm gonna be in the shower and they will be growing all over my private parts. I like to eat them BUT I must be blindfolded to do so.(true story)

3) Golf.

4) Donald Trump's Crusty Lips

5) Blogs. JUST JOKING...hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

6) When no one laughs at my jokes (see above)

7) Three Words " HOUSE OF DEREON"

...That's It....SHALOM

Sippin on Some Syserp?!?

I’m walking down the street by my job headed to the donut shop. I am approached by a man maybe in his late twenties, early thirties.

He says, “Excuse me pretty can I ask you your name?”

I tell him Vanessa.

He then goes, “Hi Vanessa…my name is Anthony. I work at that non profit right around the corner. You know, the one where you probably see all those people who look like they on drugs outside. Yeah, I’m a program manager there. We help them get off drugs and you know, try to get they lives back together. Anyway…I see you walking by getting tea or a donut in the morning all the time. I’ve been so hesitant to talk to you because you always look so nice and everything but anyway I um…I just wanted to know if I could take you out to lunch sometime?”

I stuttered and said, “ Um…Errr. I don’t..”

Then this FOOL goes, “WAIT!! Before you answer…I haven’t been 100% forthright with you. I don’t actually work at the clinic. I’m a client. But I been clean and sober for two years and all I do is sip alittle methadone and that’s it…”

WTF.
I ran.

HellaRandom...the cartoon...

The HellaRandom Team presents...HellaRandom ~the Cartoon~

D-Lux's Random Outburst for the day 11 March 09

I just want everyone to share in the hilarity that is the term roast beef curtains. I learned the term on Sunday, and I must say that it is one of the funniest things I have ever heard. The term is describing some loose female parts. The imagery that this term brings up literally makes me crack up big time. Shout out to the urban dictionary for one of the funniest examples of usage..."man i pulled her draws down and her roast beef curtains dropped to her knees." EWWWWW to the max and LMAO all at the same time.

TOO HOT TO TROT...

Fresh: What is it called when dogs are ready to mate?

Flow: They are in heat

Fresh:I dont know why I thought about that.

{2o minutes pass}

Flow: Hey I was thinking, I've been in heat for like five months.

Fresh: hahahahaha...I know right!?

I think we might be the hottest girls around. Now this song makes sense to me:

(What you need boy?).... I need a hot girl... (What you want boy?) I want a hot girl -HOT GIRL by CA$H MONEY MILLIONAIRE$

COFFEE AND...???

FLOW: I'm drinking coffee and eating a chicken strip from Safeway. I wish I had one million more strips...mmmmmm

FRESH: That's a random ass convo. I'm drinking coffee and eating a donut. The two actually go together.

FLOW: Chicken goes with everything. Duh.

FRESH: Try again!

FLOW: NO

FRESH: Coffee doesn't go with chicken.

FLOW: Um...that's like saying you're not supposed to fry rice because you boil it. Fried rice tastes great and chicken goes with freakin coffee.

FRESH: Keep believing it baby!

FLOW: You're really starting to tick me off. Just drop it. NOW...NOW...Nooooooooooowwwwwww!!! (lol)

(this was definately done in a "M to the A to the DEA" voice..aka Joe)

FLOW: Aye remember that time when Que said "GIRL" on the show and we laughed for like 2 years about it.....hahahahahahahahahahaha....we've had some good times.

I concur with my initial statement that coffee AND... chicken DO NOT mix!!!

POINTLESS

FLOW: I really can't believe he's dead. Can you call and ask for Bob and then hang up???

FLOW: Are you ignoring me. Fine.

(clearly ignoring FLOW)

FLOW: Did you call the damn number heffer??

FRESH: NO

FLOW: Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh. Fine.

FRESH: My mom wants me to name my son Dillon.

FLOW: That's a cute name tho.

FRESH: I want nachos.

FRESH: It's her last name. So I have to do it. (granted I don't even have a mate)

FLOW: I had nachos yesterday. I'm walking to my car doing the stanky leg.

FRESH: lol...NO you're not.

FLOW: I want to.

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS...

1) a 70 year old grandmother jumping over the hood of a 1987 Monte Carlo (ie..MADEA)

2) people doing the "stanky-leg"

3) Wet Seal (the clothing store)

4) The Asian woman and man who work at Popeye's on Mission Street in SF but speak Spanish

5) VHI's Black to the Future (Sir Mix Alot especially...yes I said Sir Mix-Alot)

6) the words "shalom"..."amen"..."man-down"...and my number one all time favorite "lame"

7) affectionately refering to my sister as "Barb"- short for Barbara. Her real name is Dominica.

8) the word "Barb"

...that's it for now...

I'm sitting in the car with Fresh and my daughter, Saanaiya. Saanaiya is soooo bored and she keeps saying, " I really just want to go home...I like, really want to go home" but I was in a deep conversation with Fresh about wishing we could be in other people's minds. I heard Saanaiya say "oh man, I'm hot"...I ignored it. Like I said, I was in a heated conversation with Fresh about how great yet miserable it would be to be able to read minds.

ME: Just think about it...you would know the truth about everything. But think about it again...You would know the TRUTH about EVERYTHING. Kinda scary right?

Saanaiya puts her belt on my head.

ME: We are always hella confused but when you think about it, that's the natural way of life. You are supposed to be figuring things out and learning.

FRESH: it would be cool to be able to know if what you think someone is thinking is the truth or not. We would still have to figure it out but we would just know if we're right.

ME: wait...do I have a belt on my head?

FRESH: yep you sure do.

ME: from this moment forward I will only respond to the name Quail-Man and I will drink beet milkshakes with my cuzin Skeeter.

She didnt get it.